Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
