Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
