I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
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I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
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Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize