He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
