I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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