I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
