remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
