Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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