we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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