Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
