I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
