You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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