I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
