you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
