some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
