k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I licked your asshole in confidence.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
