Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
