Sacagawea was the original milf.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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