any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
