I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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