I skipped work to stalk him.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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