remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I want to have your abortion
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
