woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
