Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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