all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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