She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
