i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
