the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
