he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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