dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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