everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
