A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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