those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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