well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
