just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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