I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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