i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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