dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
