i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
