your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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