you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
