Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
