Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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