just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize