You're so nebulous sometimes
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
