dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
