I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
