This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
