i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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