Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
