no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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