Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
