My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
