how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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