He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
