wrigley field is MILF paradise
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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