I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
