He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
