Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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