using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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