i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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