Jerry, you need to find god
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
