any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize